My fears are very few. They include such things as snakes, car accidents, losing family members and latex. Ok- latex is not a fear, but I am allergic to it, so I am very cautious when I am near this product. I should also add- slight germ-o-phobe. (Thanks Mom!)
In other words, I am not afraid of much. Or, was not afraid of much until fibromyalgia found a home in my body. Now, it seems I fear everything. I fear using my hands too much early in the day and not being able to brush my teeth or take off my clothes that night. I fear going to sleep because I know that won’t bring relief and my aggravate my pain if I sleep in an odd position.
The intensity of my fears struck me two weeks ago when my husband and I spent the night at a hotel with a water park. We zoomed down a few slides together and took one spinning ride that left us both dizzy.
There was a single-person slide in which the floor falls away, the rider drops quickly and enjoys the rest of the enclosed slide. A few years ago, I would have been the first one to try this adrenaline-pumping slide. Not this year.
My husband said he was really surprised that I wasn’t going to try the drop slide. I was surprised too. I didn’t tell him this, but my reason was fear of getting hurt.
When I get hurt, the pain does not go away within a few hours. It may last for days or weeks depending on how my body responds. I am already in a lot of pain so risking more pain from a water slide ride was not in my plan.
We had a great time and enjoyed the other slides, lazy river and lap pool without incident. I am trying to accept that my choices have to change. It’s not because I’ve lost my bravery. Instead, I’ve learned to be brave in making good choices to care for myself. My husband is extremely supportive and helpful. When my hands don’t work, he uses his to blow-dry my hair, dress me or do household chores. I am very fortunate and thankful for him.
I try to plan for physically tasking events so that I do not miss out on fun. I took my family to a ropes course with zip-lines for my birthday and we went Stand Up Paddleboarding last week. Fibromyalgia may have increased my fears, but I will not let it interfere with everything.